Getting married is one of the oldest rites of passage in human history. For believers, we see the first mention of what will become defined as the Judeaeo-Christian tradition of marriage in the first chapter of Genesis.
With great authority, Genesis states: And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth (Genesis 1:26-28).
My understanding of what marriage is, now being a Christian, is entirely different than it was when I was in my early 20s. When I began this blog, I wanted to share my spiritual victories and my struggles in the hopes that others would not repeat the same mistakes I have. And if you have, there’s good news – Jesus still loves you and desires a personal relationship with you. It’s easy to feel broken and unwanted by everyone, especially when you’ve gone through a divorce.
I’ve struggled with this entry for over a week. I do not know why the Lord has laid it so heavy on my heart. But someone needs to know the lessons about marriage I’ve had to learn the hard way. All I can do is share my experiences and struggles. And also, share the spiritual battles I’ve faced because of my lack of understanding about God’s plan for marriage at an early age.
Worldly advice, no matter how good, is bad advice
When I was engaged to be married for the first time, my family offered me advice that undermined the seriousness of marriage. I was told, it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. There’s always divorce. Yes, legally, there are provisions made for divorce in our state laws. And there are times I believe divorce is justified. God doesn’t want marriage to be a license for abuse – whether that abuse is physical, mental, sexual, or spiritual. But with the care-free advice I received, I went into my marriage with little more forethought than most of us gave dating in high school.
So, I approached my first and second marriages with the mindset given to me by my parents. Divorce was always an option. But I also went into marriage, believing that somehow, my family and friends would see me as an adult once I was married. Solomon gave some wise foresight when he wrote, There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death (Proverbs 16:25).
No, two failed marriages didn’t lead to my physical death. But it did lead to changes in how I perceived myself. Like any other thing we do in our lives, marriage often isn’t what we think it is. Again, Solomon’s wisdom is evident when he wrote, Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
My academic background and faith
Now, being a Christian, I believe marriage is defined by God and demonstrated through the description within the passage I shared from Genesis. As a college instructor, one of the courses I enjoy teaching the most is World Civilization to 1500. It’s a foundational class that is still relevant to understanding today’s society. I’ve taught this course since 2004 but it’s only been the last twelve years where my profession as an academic and my faith in Christ have helped me understand my journey.
God’s original plan for marriage isn’t the modern definition of being married. At all.
I am glad we have a living God who offers grace and forgiveness. My first marriage did not rest on a biblical foundation. Being in my early 20s, I had what I thought were two good reasons for getting married. First, I wanted others to see I was a mature adult. The second reason was just as juvenile. Being in the Army, I didn’t want to have to live in the barracks when my unit moved to another installation. I never questioned if the reasons were right and even used the justification that I could learn to love the person I was marrying. That marriage lasted for a little over three years.
