Category Archives: Our relationship with others

Bringing out the best in others

best in othersBringing out the best in others seems to be something that every Christian must be focused. In our society today we often witness the opposite happening in our homes, churches, schools, and the workplace. It seems that wherever we go, we witness people tearing others down. Even in our churches, we see the results of envy, jealousy, and strife as Christians take part in this strange and worldly ritual. Paul, often considered as the one apostle that had the most influence over the formation of the New Testament church, wrote, Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works (Hebrews 10:23-24).

According to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, provoke means to arouse to a feeling or action, to call forth, to stir up purposefully, or to offer stimulation for something. As I began to think about this passage of scripture, it became clear to me that Paul is reminding Christians to encourage others to not only be faithful to the style of living that Christ has called them to do, but to pass on the encouragement to others. If we look at this principle when applied to other areas of our life, such as dieting and exercise, programs like MyFitnessPal, the Veteran’s Administration’s program, “Let’s Move,” and Weight Watchers all share some common concepts – people are more likely to lose weight when they are part of a group of people who share the same goal. Each program uses positive peer encouragement to encourage each member to lose weight. It is this very idea that Paul is trying to encourage Christians to do for one another.

Paul continued in his encouragement, Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching (Hebrews 10:25). I’ve heard many preachers discuss this verse as referring to regular church attendance – especially on Sunday, but I have become convinced that it is so much more than that. If we are truly to bring out the best in others it cannot be left to just an hour or two on Sunday. It is within the context of Paul’s second letter to Corinth where he writes, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).  Again, I have heard pastors and evangelists use this verse as a basis for Christians not marrying other Christians, but I think there is much more to this verse than that. As Christians, we are to seek one another out especially as we begin to see the trials, temptations, and personal tribulations approaching. We are also to seek each other out as we watch society deteriorating around us and evil, ungodly practices becoming more mainstream. For this reason, Paul warns us not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. I think of the story of Lott and how at first, he pitched his tent towards Sodom but by the time of the city’s judgment and destruction by God, Lott was living within the walls of Sodom and living comfortably within a sin-sick society.

What Lott was missing was a person of similar faith to strengthen his resolve to live in the way that would be pleasing to the Lord. Solomon, considered as the wisest of all the kings of the ancient world, wrote Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17). I know that many will point towards his wife and say that she should have been his balance and should have been able to encourage him to stay strong in his faith. In reality, that rarely works, which is why programs like Promise Keepers, Weight Watchers, and others encourage us to get people other than our spouses and family members to whom we become accountable. We are not being honest with ourselves when we try to take short-cuts in this area. We need the ability to be frankly honest with whomever is our spiritual accountability partner and they must feel complete freedom to edify and teach us as well. It is through this that Christians are to bring out the best in others.

I’ve got a few men in my life who I will often ask them for guidance, opinions, and prayer simply because they are men of a similar faith to mine. Just as Solomon wrote, our friendships should be those which sharpens our faith, improves our walk with the Lord, and encourages us in our relationship with the Lord and with our family. 

 

Reach out and make a difference

How-To-ListenReach out and make a difference – it seems what so many more people need today is to have some one reach out to them and to show genuine compassion. In our high-tech world of smart phones, wifi, Facebook, and instant messaging, it seems as if more and more people are losing the ability to communicate and to interact with others on a more personal level. A while back ago, I read an article about some relationship trends developing as a result of technology. Dating relationships, engagements, and even marriages ending through text messages and even Facebook posts and not a personal and more private conversation between two people. As technology creates opportunities to share information , many people are being left emotionally dry, isolated, and alone.

And of some, have compassion…

Within the book of Jude there is a short verse that has begun to take on a new meaning for me: And of some have compassion, making a difference (Jude 22). There’s a lot of truth within this verse if we look beyond the words. We all have had times in our lives where someone showed us compassion and it was their selfless act that did make a difference in our life. Whether it was a heartache, a spiritual battle, an illness, or even just feeling a little down, we have all found ourselves lifted up by others – maybe a coworker, a family member, or a friend. Somebody felt the need to reach out and make a difference in our lives at that moment.

I often use the converse theory used in math to study Bible verses in my personal study. If we take the converse of this verse, it becomes: and most have no compassion, making no difference. Unfortunately, we all have also experienced the times in our life where there was no one that seemed to care. No one moved to show us compassion at a time when we felt that our circumstances would overwhelm us. As Christians, we knew at that time that God was with us but we also desired to have someone to put their arm around us and to comfort us as we faced our trials and difficulties alone. People we thought were friends and who cared simply were too busy with their own lives or simply didn’t notice or want to be bothered with what we were going through. In any case, what we needed was for someone to show us compassion and to desire to make a difference in our lives.

Jesus taught about compassion

Compassion towards others should be a part of our new nature in Jesus. We should now have a desire to reach out to others because of our love for the Lord. Jesus taught: Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:  For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:  Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?  Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me (Matthew 25:34-40). What Jesus was teaching in this passage was that compassion is a trait that defines the true believer. Those that did the things that Jesus mentioned, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and visiting those in prison, were welcomed into His eternal presence. Jesus also plainly teaches: Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal (Matthew 25:44-46).

Compassion comes from people

We live in a modern society that has forgotten that regardless of what government programs or community organizations exist, there is no replacing God’s plan when it comes to how we treat others. While government social services agencies and organizations may be able to feed the body, they cannot save the soul. When Christians show compassion to others we are actually setting up an opportunity to share Jesus with others. Peter wrote: But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear (1 Peter 3:15) and when this is our attitude while we are being compassionate towards others, we stand ready to give an account of why we can selflessly give of ourselves. We can be as David wrote in Psalms, I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed (Psalms 119:46) and what Paul wrote to the early Christians in Colossus, Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man (Colossians 3:16). When we reach out to others we are setting up opportunities to share in our faith. Others are more apt to listen to us because they will see it is our faith that compels us to reach out beyond ourselves and to show compassion to others.

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Don’t pass on hurt feelings

Financial_Distress_Prayer15Hurt feelings happen to everyone and there is no one immune from experiencing the sting of them. A careless act, word, or deed from a close friend or family member has the ability to set us on an emotional edge. Sometimes the hurt is unintentional and is simply an act of ignorance or not clearly thinking; however, there are other times the hurt is deliberate and intentional. Regardless of if the hurt was intentional or not, it still does not change that we were hurt. What becomes more important than why we were hurt is how we choose to respond to the hurt.

Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment

The apostle Paul wrote, Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Ephesians 4:26) and this is good advice. Wrath, mostly associated with extreme anger, is any intense emotion that brings us to the extent we begin to target others for retribution. Hurt feelings can lead to the development of wrath if we allow ourselves to hold on to them long enough. Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment in many ways, often lowering our inhibitions. Things we normally would not do suddenly can become appealing – especially if we believe they will help us get even with whomever we believe did us wrong. The longer we foster the hurt feelings, the harder it becomes to avoid the desires to “get even.” Being formally trained in the books of the Old Testament, I believe the apostle Paul was simply taking a couple of David’s verses to heart:  Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah (Psalms 4:4) and Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth (Psalms 37:8-9). Just in these three verses there is so much wisdom given in how we are to handle hurt feeling.

When we feel that we’ve been wronged, our judgment becomes clouded as our fleshly nature begins to influence our thoughts. Again, Paul addresses our dual nature – the nature of Christ that dwells in us through the Holy Spirit and the fleshly nature that we were born with – That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness (Ephesians 4:22-24). The Holy Spirit, through the writings of Paul, is pleading with us to avoid doing the things that our flesh desires when our feelings have been hurt. Just as the Holy Spirit, through the writings of David, pleads with us to take our hurt feelings to the Lord, to commune – or share – our pain with Him, and allow Him to take care of it, the same Spirit pleads with us to put on our new nature and to forsake the old, sinful, and fleshly nature.

David wrote, fret not thyself in any wise to do evil (Psalms 37:8b) as a reminder that no matter how hurt we are we are not do evil to others, including the person or persons that hurt us. When we are living in the flesh it is easy to do just that. In fact, if we look at modern entertainment, there are hundreds of movies, television shows, and music that focus on some character getting even with someone else at any cost. I’ve taught at the college level now for nearly 12 years and am always amazed at how far some people will go to “get even” with someone else – all because they had their feelings hurt or were otherwise embarrassed. Again, David writes to us not to worry ourselves over getting even with those that have hurt us. As children of God, we are called to let Him handle these things; again, Paul highlights this very thought of God handling it as he wrote, Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).

Taking our hurt to the Lord

One thing that is clear from the writings of Paul and David is that no matter how small or insignificant our hurt is, God does care. It takes a great act of faith to do what we know the Lord wants us to do. He wants us to share our hurt and our pain with Him. He wants us to let Him handle it, and He wants us to put our complete faith in Him. It’s difficult when you feel that someone has emotionally sucker-punched you to simply say “Lord, here’s how I am feeling and I give it to you…” and walk away. It takes real strength to say, “Lord, so-and-so did this and it really hurts; please help me deal with it…” and leave it in the Lord’s hands, but that is exactly what He expects us to do. The Bible teaches us that in times like these, we simply need to Be still, and know that I am God (Psalms 46:10a) and we need to remember  what Jesus taught: Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31).

Within these posts I share with you, there is nothing discussed in them that I do not put into regular practice in my own life. A while ago, I had someone hurt me but instead of allowing myself to fester over it, I took it directly to the Lord. In my prayers to Him, I asked for the grace to forgive them and to not hold them to the hurt feelings they had caused me. I also asked the Lord to forgive them, and that I was going to let the entire event rest in the Lord’s hands. While I admit, in the past I have prayed a similar prayer when I’ve been hurt, this time I decided to really leave it in the Lord’s hands. Every time Satan stoked my fleshly nature, instead of dwelling on it, I would simply hand it back over to the Lord. What happened was that the Lord took away my feelings and gave me complete rest. Instead of worrying about it, I was able to find comfort and joy in obedience to the Lord.

I believe there are reasons why the Lord wants us to carry our hurts onto Him and not handling them ourselves. One of the main reasons that stands in my mind is that we only see one side of the equation. We may never know the reason that someone else said or did whatever it was that hurt us – perhaps it was something as simple as no real thought was put behind it to something as complex as them simply wanting to stir the pot. Whatever the reason is, we can only speculate and it is within our human nature to always look for the worst in other people when it comes to trying to rationalize what they did. Another reason is that we may not be their real target; Jesus taught If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you (John 15:18-19). We are as close to Jesus as they will ever get. The other reason is that the Holy Spirit may be working in the life of the person who has hurt us. They may be feeling hurt themselves, with the presence of the Holy Spirit bringing conviction into their life. We simply happen to be a target of opportunity.

In either of these cases, what would be accomplished by yielding to the flesh and getting even? If it is the Holy Spirit at work in the life of the person who has hurt us and we strike back at them, then we have successfully taught them that Christians are no better than those who are lost that need salvation. We have now hindered the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives and may be the reason they ultimately reject the gospel. If it is a word or deed that has been said or done out of simply not thinking, again I must ask, what have we accomplished? More hurt feelings? More strife between members of the family of God? More division within the church? I believe this is why Jesus taught, Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also (Matthew 5:38-39). It takes someone who walks close with the Lord to be able to turn the other cheek. It is the complete opposite of what our flesh wants to do but what joy and peace it brings when we simply take our hurts, from the small ones to the large ones, to the Lord.