Category Archives: Our relationship with our children

Three big temptations for the college student

college studentsI began teaching at the college level nearly thirteen years ago; it has been a learning experience for me. Not only have I learned a lot about my faith but I have also learned some important lessons about how to prepare my child for life on the college campus. There are real spiritual battles on the American college campus and far too many parents and pastors send college students off to face those battles unprepared for what awaits them and where they can go to get help. It isn’t because pastors and parents are not concerned about their college student, but because many are simply unaware of what is actually on the college campus.

 College students are bombarded by worldly temptation

A few years back while attending Townsend Bible Church in Newburg, Indiana, I actually had a parent ask me if all the college movies geared towards the older teen and young adult crowd were as bad as what it was like on campus. She even quoted me a very popular proverb that every pastor and almost every parent knows by heart, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). As she waited for my answer, she told me of another verse that often came to mind as she was raising her children, As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth (Psalms 127:4). She bragged about how since her children were young babies, she raised them in church, they attended Christian school, and the amount of time she spent training her future college student what the Bible said. At this point, I had been teaching college for about five years and asked her one question that brought her to tears: “what have you done to warn them about the giants they will face?”

I’ve seen even strong Christian college students fall into temptation and not have the strength to resist what the flesh desires. I cannot say enough about the hidden danger of peer pressure. Most parents and pastors only consider peer pressure and its effects on young and middle teenagers. Just because your child is now a college student does not mean the peer pressure has ended; in fact, it will be even stronger than it was during junior high and high school. No one ever wants to feel like an outsider looking in; no one ever wants to be treated as an outcast. Understanding this simple fact will help to understand the enormous strain placed on today’s college student, even if they are Christian and come from a strong Christian home. Not only will they face temptations but they will have real spiritual pressure and emotional pressure to give in. 

Most parents spend their time talking and teaching their child about sex, but they do not go far enough. It is not enough to tell them that God intends for them to stay sexually pure until marriage, but it is important to tell them from a practical and spiritual viewpoint why this is so important. Each semester I see the same cycle repeat itself: 1) young people equate sex and love, as the world has taught, 2) they are not emotionally, spiritually, or financially ready to handle the results of sex (not just potential pregnancy either), and 3) young people set out on a series of bad relationships centered around sex trying to find the “one” person they are supposed to be with. While this is the typical pattern for the lost, even the Christian college student will go through a similar cycle, but with a different one added to the mix: 3) the Christian feels dirty, tainted, and either repents of this destructive behavior, or 3) Christian feels dirty but is convinced that it is because they were “used” and need to find the right person who appreciates them. Those that chose the latter will often repeat this cycle until they are almost indistinguishable from the lost. Sadly, they do not repent until they experience a prodigal son moment. 

Yes, sex is that prevalent on the college campus; it will become even more so as many colleges are now adopting a co-ed approach dormitories. Each college has its activists handing out free condoms and guides to safe sex. Some colleges offer health seminars where alternative sexual health issues are taught. College fraternities and sororities have programs where although sexual experimentation is not formally promoted, the environment to allow for such creativity is very present. Campus entertainment, such as various international films shown as a means for teaching cultural awareness, often features lots of sex scenes and full frontal nudity. Anyone that stands up in protest is immediately labeled as being prudish and often become the target for ridicule by both college student and willing faculty members.

The use of drugs is also prevalent on most college campuses. A college student may not use marijuana, alcohol, or other drugs, but the probably know at least three to five students that do and may even know one person where they could get a hold of alcohol or drugs if they wanted to. Although many parents have done a good job of warning their children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, they often neglect to teach them the spiritual aspect about why God does not want them to use mind-altering substances. When I first started my graduate assistant teaching, I had a young man in my class that came to me during office hours. He told me that he knew I was a Christian because he felt a certain peace when he was around me. He then proceeded to tell me that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been preachers within the Episcopal Methodist church. He then told me that he needed help getting off the illegal drugs he was using, but wanted to know if the Bible taught anything against drug usage because he had been told that God didn’t forbid it in the Bible.

Continued on next page.

Passing our faith on to the next generation

bibleThis past Sunday, Pastor Alan Ramsey, my pastor, made a comment that is most unfortunately true.  During his Sunday morning sermon, he said that we are seeing the results of a generation that was not brought up in church.  But what he said next has really had me thinking – at least they know about God, but they will be bringing up a generation of children that will not know who God is. Although I was not brought up in a Christian home, I did have family that we visited from time to time that were strong in their faith. One in particular, “Grandma Edith” had a lasting impact on my life.  Although I would not come to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Savior for about another decade, it was the consistent demonstration of her faith that made an impact on me.

Yesterday, while reading my personal devotional, I came across this passage: I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:  And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God (Psalms 78:2-8).

This is  not the first place where parents, particularly fathers, are commanded to teach the younger generations the things of God.  Nine times in scripture God instructs parents to teach their children about the things of God.  The first occurrence is recorded in Leviticus: And that ye may teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the LORD hath spoken unto them by the hand of Moses (Leviticus 10:11). God even promised his children through the writings of David, If thy children will keep my covenant and my testimony that I shall teach them, their children shall also sit upon thy throne for evermore (Psalms 132:12). Sometime between the exodus from Egypt and the death of David, the children were not taught about the miracles of God, about His commandments, or His love for them.  They were not taught about God’s deliverance from Pharaoh, the parting of the Red Sea, or manna provided from Heaven to feed their hunger.  I once heard someone say that if they had been around in those days, they would have made sure that their children and their grandchildren would always remember the mighty works of God.

I have never physically seen the Lord part a sea or river, nor have I seen manna on the ground each morning.  I was not there to see Jesus raise the dead, heal the sick, or teach in the Temple.  Through faith and the reading of His word, we know those stories and we proclaim them to be true, but with our children we read them as if they were stories written by Dr. Seuss. We trivialize the miracles that God has done in the past by making the characters seem more cartoonish and less human and then wonder why children dismiss the reality of the Lord’s grace and love the way they dismiss the worlds and characters created by Walt Disney.  Within the lives of the Christian, there are regular demonstrations of God’s love and grace that we can share with our children and others yet we choose to remain silent.  We choose to keep them to ourselves and not teach the younger generation of what we have seen the Lord do. I have often wondered why Christians do not want to share the things that God has done for them. Instead of hiding them, what if we began to keep a notebook to record those things we witness the hand of the Lord in as a memorial to be shared with the next generation?

I know that in my own life there are many things that the Lord has done that are not only worthy to be shared with others, especially my children.  They need to hear of the difference that the Lord made in my life and how he took my sins, my guilt, and shame and bore it on the cross so that He could fellowship with me. They need to hear of the difference he has made in the life of their grandfather, my dad, who is not the same man as he was thirty years ago.  They need to hear that in times of financial difficulty how He alone provided me food when there was no earthly explanation for what was happening.  They need to hear how He was able to heal my body from injuries that doctors told me would prevent me from ever walking again back in 1989.  I have seen God reach into the lives of the broken-hearted and downtrodden and lift them in love, forgive them, and heal their hearts and minds. God who delivered the children of Israel from the bonds of Egypt is the same God who delivers people from the bondage of sin today. I have seen friends delivered from the power of cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs and placed on a straight path.  In reality, many of you who are reading this can probably list as many things as I can where God’s hand can be seen directly intervening in our lives and the lives of those around us.

Since Sunday, I have added something new to my daily prayers; I’ve begun to ask the Lord to encourage and help me to teach my child still living at home about the goodness of His love and grace and to help me take advantage of every opportunity to share the same things with my children who are already outside the home.  As a parent, I do not want them to have the spiritual struggles that I have had.  I desire for them to have a closer walk with God earlier in their lives and to be able to see greater blessings from the Lord than I have.  I want to be able to rejoice in that day when we are all around God’s throne.  And most of all, I desire that their children and the children of that generation, should the lord tarry, to also know the love and grace of God.

Lessons from parenthood

DSCN0387 (Small)Ever since she learned to stand and walk on her own, my daughter has loved the thrill of climbing to the highest spot and jumping into my waiting arms.  In her own voice, Michelle and I will hear Edith count, “one…two…three…” as she prepares to make her jump.  Just like any child, she completely trusts that her parents will be there to prevent her from falling and getting hurt.  Although I do have three other children from my first marriage, it is this child that has taught me the most about the relationship that God desires to have with His children.

During the earthly ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ, he tried to explain to us that God desires that parent-child relationship with those who believe in Jesus.  We are told several times and in several different ways that after we have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as our Saviour we also become a child of God.  In one of the instances of Christ’s teachings on the subject, he tells us: Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? (Matthew 6:26). In a world that teaches our children that mankind is just an animal, nothing really special, and that we are the same as other animals, its reassuring to know that in God’s eyes, mankind IS different, unique, and worthy enough to be redeemed!  If God provides for the finches, the quail, and cardinals that do not have a soul in need of redemption, how much more does He love us, as Christians, Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men (I Corinthians 7:23).

Jesus also taught using parental love to demonstrate God’s love for his children.  In the gospel of Luke, it is recorded that the Lord Jesus Christ taught using a couple of questions that really demonstrate God’s heartfelt desire: If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? (Luke 11:11).  It is a profound thought – I cannot imagine giving my child anything that I knew would cause harm to her.  Most parents that love their children cringe with even the slightest thought of anything that has the potential to injure their own child.  Jesus adds If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? (Luke 11:13).  We are living in a sinful world; we see the results of a world that is drawn to the desires of the flesh.  At the time that Christ was teaching this, the majority of the crowd believed that he was simply a rabbi and not the Redeemer.  If they could love and care for their children and provide for the child’s needs, he was asking them to imagine how a holy God would care, provide, and love them if they would yet but ask!  The same God that had led their forefathers out of bondage in Egypt, had fed them for forty years with manna, had taken care of their shoes and clothing, and gave them a land of their own was again demonstrating His love for them by sending them a way to be reconciled to Him.

Continued on next page.